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縮短狀語與被修飾對象之間的距離例析
作者:管理員    發布于:2012-06-22 20:31:45    文字:【】【】【

縮短狀語與被修飾對象之間的距離例析

 

1.它(馬克思主義)莖里歷史唯物主義揭示了人類社會發展的規律。(《鄧選》)

譯文 1 It has uncovered the law governing the development of human society by using histrical materialism. (《北京周報》)

譯文 2 Using historical materialismit has uncovered the laws governing the development of human society. (外文出版社)

評析:《北京周報》譯文中的by using可能修飾society, development, governinglawIt has uncovered 中的任何一個。 但根據中文原文,by using應修飾距其最遠的It has uncovered。外文出版社譯文將Using historical materialism移前,與it靠近,修飾關系便顯得比較清楚了。

 

2.對供方提供或者傳授的專有技術和有關技術資料,受方應當按照合同約定的范圍和期限承擔保密義務。(《合同管理條例施行細則》)

譯文 1 The recipient shall undertake the obligations to keep confidential for know-how and relevant information provided or imparted by the supplier in accordance with limits and duration as agreed in the contract.  (1992 年譯本)

譯文 2 A recipient shall undertake the obligation to keep confidentialin accordance with the scope and duration agreed on in the contract, the proprietary technology and related technical information provided or imparted by the supplier. (澳大利亞譯本)

評析:在譯文1中,in accordance with應修飾遠處的keep confidential(順便指出,confidential后的for應刪去),但由于兩者之間的距離過長,讀者可能誤以為in accordance with修飾兩者之間的 provided or imparted

譯文2使用插入法,把in accordance with插入在keep confidential… the proprietary technology 之間,也即使之靠近 keep confidential。這樣,修飾關系便沒有歧義了。

 

3.如果該技術引進合同系委托跨地區的其他公司對外簽訂的, 在征得委托方所在地的授權審批機關同意后,可以由簽約地的授權審批機關審批。(《合同管理條例施行細則》)

譯文 1: If the technology import contracts are concluded by other trans-regional companies through entrustmentthey may be examined and approved by the authorized examining and approving authorities of the spot where the entrustees are located with the consent of the entrusters local authorized examining and approving authorities. (1992 年譯本)

譯文 2 If another company in a different district is commissioned to sign the technology import contract with the foreign partythe authorized examining and approving organ of the local district of the party signatory to the contract may examine and approve the said contract, subject to approval from the authorised examining and approving organ of the local district of the commissioning party.(澳大利亞譯本)

評析:在譯文1中,with引導的狀語理應修飾may be examined and approved,但其間距離太長,相隔15個字,有些讀者可能誤以為 with修飾附近的located

譯文2重新調整了全句結構,使subject to(相當于譯文1 with)may examine and approve之間距離縮短,相互間的語義關系 也就更清晰了。

 

4.(沒有對外技術引進經營權的公司、企業、團體或者個人)引進技術時,應當委托具有對外技術引進經營權的公司、企業對外簽訂技術引進合同,并出具委托書。(《合同管理條例施行細則》)

譯文 1: To import technologycompanies, enterprises, institutions or individuals with no right to do technology import business with abroad shallwith a letter of commissionentrust those companies and enterprises with such rights to conclude technology import contracts, (1992 年譯本)

譯文 2: When a companyenterprise, group or individual which is not authorised to engage in import of technology from abroad imports technologyit shall commission a company or enterprise which is authorised to import technology from abroad to sign a technology import contract with the foreign party and shall provide a power of attorney.(澳大利亞譯本)

評析:在譯文 1 中,To import technology conclude technology import contracts的目的狀語,但兩者一個在句首,一個在 句末,位置相隔太遠,不合理。

譯文2將其轉為When引導的從句加上主句,這樣imports technology sign a technology import contract 之間不存在直接的 修飾關系,也即不存在修飾關系不清的問題了。但兩者之間是有語義聯系的,而且兩者相距較近,容易看懂。

 

5.我們創造性地實現了由新民主主義到社會主義的轉變,全面確立了社會主義的基本制度,使占世界人口四分之一的東方大國進入了社會主義社會。(80周年)

譯文 1 We have creatively materialized the transformation from new democracy to socialism and established the basic system of socialism in an all-round way, enabling this big country in the Orient whose population accounts for a quarter of the world total to enter the socialist society,(《北京周報》)

譯文 2: We have creatively materialized the transformation from new democracy to socialism and established the basic system of socialism in an all-round waythus ushering in a socialist society in this big Oriental country with a population of a quarter of the worlds total.(《單行本》)

評析:《北京周報》譯文中,enabling與其所修飾的不定式結構相隔13個動詞,二者距離太遠,增加了讀者的閱讀心理負擔。《單行本》 譯文將enabling變換作ushering in,其后緊跟實現的結果——a socialist society,并添加了一個小詞thus,因果關系一目了然。

 

6.我們加強了基礎設施建設。這是在加工工業生產能力過剩的情況下調整結構的必然選擇,既可以消除基礎設施的“瓶頸”制約, 又可以帶動裝備制造業等相關行業的發展。(《筆譯實務》第122頁)

We strengthened the infrastructure. This was an inevitable choice in readjusting the industrial structure when the processing industries had surplus capacityfor it has not only removed bottlenecks but also spurred growth in equipment manufacturing and other related industries.

評析:在上面譯文中,兩個語義銜接項an inevitable choice for相隔11個詞,太遠,這給讀者看清它們之間的關系造成困難。為 使該長句更易懂,可以這樣調整:When the processing industries had surplus capacitythis was an inevitable choice in readjusting the industrial structure, for it has not only… 這樣 an inevitable choice for就只有五詞之隔了。

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